Crawl in Bed With Greg Payne

Crawling Into Bed With Gregory Payne
And a Good Book

Important things first, are these sheets silk or cotton?
Cotton. Silk is too silky. Way too much friction. I’d never get to sleep.
For me, the silk is too hot. It doesn't breathe enough. What are you wearing?
Kmart boxers from 2002 and an overabundance of chest hair.
Vintage boxers, nice. What are we snacking on in bed while we read tonight?
Bowls of ice cream. Heaping bowls of ice cream. And Wheat Thins.
Interesting combination. Is that to combine the flavors or to cancel out any weight gain? Never mind. If I open this nightstand drawer, what will I find?
Pledge and a dust cloth. If you see it, that means you have to use it. House rules.
But…*blinks* *grumbles* Do you roll up in the blankets like a burrito, or kick the covers off during the night?
Yes and yes.
An active sleeper then. Can I put my cold feet on your calves to warm them up?
If you’d like. I take a sleeping pill nightly and expect to be out at any moment. I must warn you though, I talk in my sleep. Actually, I might be asleep right now.
That would explain the snoring. What are we reading?
tales from the pink side by Gregory Payne
Ten True Tales:
Single Woman Seeks Saran Wrap
Squeaky Gets A New Do
Is That A Grub In Your Pants Or Are You Happy To See Me?
Dear Best Friend
Let’s Make A Deal
Internet Dating And Adult Diapers
Beach + Horse + Sheet Cake = ?
Happy Birthday

Before becoming a published author, I had a blog I called Incidental Expenses that became wildly popular in a short period time. Recently my sister asked why I had stopped writing it. She loved the blog, my friends loved the blog, and people I didn’t even know loved the blog, so why is there no blog? The answer was simple; I got published, finally, writing Gay Erotic Romance as Alex Carreras, my pen name. Getting published meant staying published which took a whole heck of a lot of time, especially while still working my day job as a hairstylist. I loved writing the sometimes emotionally painful but always funny David Lynch-esque stories based on my life. With her encouragement, I dusted off a few of my favorites and wrote a couple more, then set about compiling them into this book.
 Warning: All these stories are true. Yes, I said true! So don’t send me an email asking if they are, indeed, true. But if you do, I’ll just tell you the same thing.
Life can be strange, sad, funny, and flat out crazy at times, but for me it’s all the time…apparently.  Also, most of these tales deal with adult situations so if you’re a tad on the prudish side, you might want to save your money and buy another book. For the rest of you, enjoy! Please excuse any typos, grammatical errors, misspellings, and questionable comma use. I tried my best. No one is perfect. Not even me.

Find Greg's book at


Be Yourself

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955